What key do I press to delete cookies?

The gg has been on a semblance of a diet since January 1. I do it every year and it usually lasts about a month, but this year I had made an honest vow to stay on it until I lost at least 20 pounds. I was well on my way until the doorbell at the gg's home rang last Saturday. I opened the door and standing there was the cutest and most beautiful female I had ever seen. She must have been all of 8 years old, standing there on the porch trembling and holding onto her mother's hand. After the mother introduced themselves, the precious little thing looked up shyly and stammered "Would you like to buy some Girl Scout cookies?" Cookies, I immediately thought--those are anathema to my diet. The gg's typical reaction would have been to send the interloper on his or her way, but this precious little girl had already pierced the veneer of my personal security system with her big blue eyes and curly hair. After learning that her favorite subject in school was math, I answered "three" when she finally asked me how many boxes I wanted to buy. I chose 2peanut butter and one shortbread, just as I do every year. I gave her a $10 bill and after I told her to keep the 50 cents in change, I watched her little face turn into the biggest grin I'd ever seen. She thanked me, then turned and skipped away,still holding onto her mother's hand, unaware that she had ruined the new year's diet of yet one more grouchy geezer. I think I have about one and a half boxes left; the rest are floating around somewhere in my veins and arteries waiting to burrow their way into the tissue surrounding my mid-section where they will join up with the Girl Scout cookies I bought and ate last year. The gg would favor a constitutional amendment if that's what it takes to ban the sale of Girl Scout cookies.

Goodbye to a Dear Friend

The gg lost a good friend yesterday. My cat of 13 years was put to sleep. She suffered from diabetes and related ailments. I never knew cats could have diabetes, but the more I learned about cats every day, the more I knew that physically they are not much different than us humans. Physically, yes, but in all other respects, no. A cat is nothing like a human. Cats are capable of loving unconditionally. They will even love a grouch. They ask nothing in return. Oh, to be sure they like to be fed and to be scratched under their chin and all the rest, but they will love you just the same regardless. A cat’s love comes in its purest form, the kind that the Creator intended. The kind of love that Jesus taught. The kind that poet Browning talked about. Love for its own sake. I loved Prissy Sue, but I know she loved me even more. It’s easy for even a grouch to love and be loved by a cat.

gg

If God's on my side, who's on yours?

There have been many players on the national stage who have caught my fancy over the past few months, but none more so that Rick Perry and Tim Tebow. And for the same reasons. What's that you say, gg? You're thinking: What possibly could Rick Perry and Tim Tebow share that could command the gg's attention, other than the fact that they must both have done something to make him grouchy. Well, let me explain. I understand that both Perry and Tebow are persons of great accomplishment and I take nothing from them in that regard. But what sends the grouch meter into near-earth orbit is the fact that both are so wont to attribute their achievments to the personal intervention of the Almighty on their behalf at the expense of others. One of the first things out of Perry's mouth when he first announced he was entering the GOP primary race was that God had asked him to do it. Compare that to Tebow's now famous one knee-bowed head "Great Thinker" pose that he slides so publicly into following a Denver Broncos victory, the ostensible purpose of which is to thank the Creator (the same creator that made the Pittsburgh Steeler players, coaches and fans) for arranging for the Broncos victory and for his own personal stardom. The gg is especially fond of Tim Tebow for his character and competitiveness--I only wish he would grow to understand that God has more important work to do in the world than to advance the particular fortunes of the Denver Broncos and Tim Tebow. So enough already with the Tebow slide, okay Tim? Or maybe save it for the locker room. As for Rick, I only wish he would grow to understand that his God is a loving God who would never allow the likes of him to be foisted on the American people. So drop the "God is on my side" rhetoric, okay Rick? Until these guys heed my advice, their antics will continue to make me a very grouchy geezer.

He's b-a-a-a-a-k!

The gg is back after a fairly lengthy hiatus. I apologize to the readers for the abruptness of my departure and promise that the next time I choose to take a sabbatical, I will give you all some advance notice. After all, I do understand that you the reader need to have someone like me at your side at all times to help you stave off those sudden cravings for sanguinity.

I have saved up a year's worth of material that I had planned to start unloading on readers in this my first venture back to the blog world, but I decided to defer that and instead to use my time and space here to pay tribute to my long time idol, that great neocon of negativism, the pied piper of pessimism, the sine qua non of cynicism, that Great GrandDaddy of Grouchiness. I'm talking of course about the late, great Andy Rooney, who departed this life during my absence. Andy did more than anyone else of his generation to elevate grouchiness to its current stature as an art form. He had an uncanny knack for identifying and analyzing the simplest, most common irritants experienced daily by everyone in America life. And he did it with such style, grace and humor that we couldn't help but love him for it. He was everyone's favorite curmudgeon. No contest. Goodbye Andy. We miss you. Wherever you are, keep that scowl on your face and your thumbs down.

And now I am both honored and humbled to take his place. I will begin my reign as Curmudgeon in Chief commencing with my next posting.

gg

Springing Forward Once Again

Just when the GG's life is in some semblance of order, along comes Daylight Savings Time to mess everything up. I remember how my father used to hate DST. He was from the old school who believed the daylight hours were for working and the nightime hours were for sleeping, so he was ready for bed as soon as it turned dark, usually around 7:00 p.m. here in Texas. During DST, this meant it was 8:00 when he went to bed, and he hated that. He also hated getting up in the dark in the morning. "If I could get my hands around the man who invented DST, I'd wring the life out of him," he'd say, only he'd throw in a few choice cuss words for emphasis. I feel the same way now. I don't know whether the rationale for DST still exists--that it allows another hour of daylight to get the nation's work done--all I know is that it plays havoc with old geezers like the gg. I for one never know what time it is--every clock in the house or the cars has a different time. The first morning of DST, I "sprang forward" out of bed and stumbled into the kitchen in the dark of the morning. After flicking on the lights, I decided to change the time on the digital clocks on the microwave and the oven. Of course, before I could do that, I had to locate the Operator's instruction book that came with the microwave and oven to see how to change the time. Later, Ms. gg came into the kitchen and, not realizing that I had already set the time forward, set it forward herself one more hour. Luckily, I mentioned to her that I had set them forward earlier or else we would have been late (early?) to wherever we needed to go that day. It's been three days now and we're still finding clocks and watches around the house whose time needs to be changed. Some of those have had the wrong time since last fall when we forgot (or deliberately neglected) to "fall back." At least those timepieces now have the correct time without my having to mess with them. In short, DST is a menace to mankind (at least to older mankind) that needs to be stopped because it makes the gg very grouchy.

GG

Tea for Texas

Lots of political happenings during the GG's sabbatical. Let's start with the gubernatorial race in the GG's own home state of Texas. Here, Rick Perry (the Breck Guy) prevailed over Kay Bailey Hutchison (the Breck girl) and an upstart nurse/tea partier named Debra Medina in the Republican primary. As astute observers know, Texas Republican primaries are increasingly dominated by an almost lunatic fringe of right wing, federal government-hating activists. These are folks who are convinced that the Black Hawks will be coming soon over the nearest horizon to enslave us and turn our free-market economy into a member of the European Union, led of course by the socialist trioka of Barack Obama, Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi. These are the same people who attacked Ron Paul and Kevin Brady FROM THE RIGHT. Attilla the Hun would have his credentials questioned by this group. Perry even went so far in wooing this crowd that he threatened to have Texas secede from the Union. Most of his fans,if given the chance would have voted for that idea. That is, until they discovered that it would mean they'd need a passport to cross the border into Louisiana to gamble; that it would mean an end to their Medicare and Medicaid and that their kids and grandkids could no longer get federally-supported student loans for their college educations; and a whole host of other things they take for granted that they get from the federal government they so love to hate. But I digress. I was talking about the primary election for Governor and there I shall return. Incredibly, Perry won quite handily and, surprisingly, without a run-off. Kay Bailey Hutchison--who had carved a successful senatorial career and had been a staunch advocate and "bacon-bringer" for Texas and Texans in the same tradition as former Texas political legends Lyndon Johnson, Sam Rayburn and Lloyd Bentsen before her--was summarily rejected by these voters. In contrast, and ironically, Perry acted as a hero to the primary voters, not by bringing home any bacon to Texas mind you, but by actually rejecting and turning away any bacon offers, including many that were badly needed and had been gladly accepted by governors in all other states (except Alaska--as why does that not surprise the GG?) Even newcomer and political novice Medina, who had accomplished nothing, nada, zippo for Texas or Texans, was on the way to defeating Hutchison until she imploded by being unable to bring herself to say that the idea of burning one's house down and flying one's airplane into an office building with the intent of killing people inside was a bad thing. I guess that was too much for even some of her fellow tea-partiers (But even after that, she still managed to receive over 20% of the primary vote.) No sooner had the election ended when Perry was out there (and when the GG says "out there" he really means "OUT THERE")complaining about the Obama administrations's proposed budget cuts at Houston-based NASA as well as the cancellation of a military truck assembly plant contract at a plant near Houston in favor of a competitor in Wisconsin. Hmm, hard to imagine how those would have fared in a secessionist Texas as Perry had hinted at during his campaign. Now Rick will face off against Bill White, the Democratic winner, whose style and demeanor are about as boring as his name. Talk about contrasts--White has nary a hair on his head, in contrast to Perry, the Breck guy. Also, I doubt White has ever made a political appearance dressed in camo. No, all White has going for him is proven competence as the successful mayor of Houston. White has long eschewed political labels in favor of simply getting done what needs to get done. As you can tell, the GG is a fan of Bill White. Any why not--there's much to like about him. He makes me smile--Rick Perry makes me grouchy. Besides, at one time Bill White was my Sunday School teacher. I think we need more Sunday School teachers in government.

GG

Return of the Geezer

The GG back is back after a 3-month sabbatical. Thanks to all you readers for hanging in while I was away. Warning: Anyone who thinks the GG might have used this time to relax and perhaps mellow out a bit should beware. I'm the same old grouch, only now I have 3 months of pent up grouchiness looking to be released. It starts here and now.

Before my time off, I had intended to express my displeasure with escalators. Not that I don't find the things useful--heck, at my age I like anything that lets me go up and down with no effort. But that's when they're working, which is something they tend to do infrequently. Last week, I was in a movie theatre where the down escalator working but the up escalator wasn't. Isn't that how it usually is? The one you need to work doesn't and the one you could really get along without works just fine. Here's another thing with escalators: Have you ever noticed that the sharper the incline, the more frequently the things seem to be out of order. I'll bet if I took a poll of my readers, most would have the same or similar experiences with escalators. Let's try it: If you've ever been in a building with escalators where both the up and down escalators were working simultaneously for a period of at least 2 days, let me know. My guess is that no one will reply. I for one have never had such an experience. One thing for sure, the job of an escalator repairman is a lot busier than that of a Maytag repairman.

I know this post of something as bland as escalators might seem disappointing as my first post in 3 months to you grouch-thirsty readers, but be patient my friends--I have lots of things to get off my chest that have built up over this period. It's just that escalators were on the top of my mind when I left off and so I wanted to start with that subject.

GG