No Wonder Our Backs Hurt -- If We're Not Busy Springing Forward We're Busy Falling Back

Well, it's that time of year again.  No, not Halloween or Thanksgiving or World Series games that last 'til midnight.  I'm talking about that other American institution called Daylight Savings Time. Yes, it's time time to turn the clocks forward, or wait ----isn't it back this time?  The gg gets confused.  So far, though, I've only been an hour early to two events.  And eating dinner in what seems like the middle of the afternoon isn't really all that bad. But still, the gg doesn't like it.  And if you've seen the gg's  other posting today, you'll notice that Daylight Savings Time (DST) was No 5 on my Top 10 List of Annoyances and Irritants.

Some of the readers have asked that I re-post my Posting from March 15, 2010 on this subject.  Rather than do that, I'll just ask that you look at the Archive column on the right side of this Post and click on 2010 to find the 2010 posting.  That way, the gg can use this Posting for the following poem I have written for this occasion:

         At my door I thought I heard a knock
         Just a dream, said my wife; go to sleep
         But there it goes again, followed by a voice deep:
         "We're the Feds come to change your clock!"

         They want us to change the time, to "fall back;"
         To pretend it's three when it's really four;
         Maybe it's time we finally take the ball back
         And say we won't take this any more.

         But at morn, dutifully I will let them in I know
         To change the clock time and date;
         Then it's off to work I go;
         I wonder, will I be early or late?

         I wonder if there's a DST in heaven
         And if so, there, is it six or seven?

DST Brain Teaser:  Assume you are in Anchorage, Alaska the day before DST goes into effect and you are flying to New York City to arrive that evening.  What will you need to do to your watch that evening before you turn in?

gg

Top 10 List of Annoyances and Irritants -- Letterman Style

Fellow Grouches,

As promised a week or two ago, I am posting my Top 10 List of Annoyances and Irritants.  If these look familiar, you'll find that many of them have been the subject of my postings over the past years.  See if you can find one or two you agree with or write me with any others of your own.

Here they are in reverse order:

11.  (This one is a bonus.)  Those slick little bags used in the produce department of your local grocery store to bag fruits and vegetables; you have to rub them together at the top just right to get them to open.

10.  Sports events (read: World Series games) that last until midnight

 9.   Gas service stations that are unable to dispense a receipt at the pump

 8.   Kinky garden hoses

 7.   Daylight Savings Time

 6.  Pill bottles with print too small to read

 5.  Items purchased in packaging that can only be opened with a blow torch

 4.  Trains without cabooses

 3.  Remote control devices

 2.  Battery-powered home smoke detectors that beep only at night

 1.  Mercants who display their Christmas goods before Halloween (this year's prime culprit: 
          Walmart (for the 3rd consecutive year)

There you have it.  Not sure ol' Dave could have done better. Next time, maybe the gg will post a Top 10 list of reasons to do away with Top 10 lists.

gg

Coming Soon -- Another One of Those Annoying Top 10 Lists

The Grouchy Geezer has reached the stage of life when it is well nigh impossible for me to stay up past the hour of 10 each evening.  Even when I don't go to bed by that hour, I can usually be found splayed out in my recliner, sound asleep, snoring loudly, while the local 10 o'clock newscaster is busy in the background describing the havoc that has taken place in the nearest city during the day and early evening.  (Come to think of it, sleep is probably the best antidote for the quality of the news these days.)  There was a time when the gg could stay awake and suffer through the news just to be able  to watch and listen to my favorite late night comic.  For me that was David Letterman.  Not even close.  I loved Letterman's Top 10s.  He had a Top 10 for just about every topic one could think of.  And they would get progressively funnier the closer he counted down to No. 1.  The people who wrote  for the David Letterman show were brilliant.  I guess they still are.  I think if I had not become by default a professional curmudgeon, I would have enjoyed being a writer on that show.  Thinking about David Letterman has got the gg to pondering whether perhaps I should come up with a Top 10 of my own.  Everyone has a Top 10 list of something -- why not the Grouchy Geezer.  After an exceedingly short deliberation, I have decided to do just that:  I am hereby announcing that I will soon, in the very near future,  produce a Top 10 list of things that irritate me the most -- things that do the most honor to the name Grouchy Geezer.  Most things on the list will not be a surprise.  All you have to do is look back through the years at my postings.  The hardest thing for me will be ranking them in Top 10 order.  To keep it interesting, I'll try to come up with a surprise or two.  If you, the readers, have any suggestions of your own from your own Top 10 lists, by all means send them to the gg and I might consider them for my own list.  Stay tuned!

gg

We Won the NLCS and All We Got Was This Lousy Pennant

Don't look now, fellow grouches, but have you noticed how some words have simply disappeared from the English language, or at least from our everyday conversations.  And not just that they have disappeared, but that they have done so seemingly without anyone noticing.  We can all think of and expound on examples of these if we just put our minds to it.  But there is one word in particular that has been on my mind the past few days. It is a word that used to be a prominent fixture this particular time of year (October)in the sporting world.  If you haven't guessed by now, the gg is talking about the word "pennant."  Is anyone out there besides the old gg been around long enough to remember when the champions of the American League and the National League in Major League Baseball were said to have won the "pennant?" Who can ever forget the headline in every East Coast newspaper on the morning after that infamous October 3 day in 1951 when the legendary Bobby Thompson hit his legendary game-winning home run off the bat of the hapless Ralph Branca of the Brooklyn Dodgers --  "Giants Win Pennant!"   Sadly,  today's sports writers are too young to have experienced the excitement of that day and what, indeed, was the contribution to baseball lore of that moment that allowed the upstart Giants to overcome a 13 game deficit on the last day of the 1951 season to win the "pennant."  Yes, the PENNANT.   No, today, we are informed that "the Nationals (Washington, DC) have won the National League Championship Series."  Let's say it again -- the "National League Championship Series."  And after tonight, perhaps we will be told by these same writers that "the Astros (Houston) have won the "American League Championship Series."  I have not read one report or heard one sports talking head mention the word "pennant."  It is as though that word has evaporated from our baseball lexicon.  What next, the gg wants to know -- will we be told that the Nationals or the Astros have won the "Major League Championship?"  Will the words "World Series" be the next to join the terms "pennant" and "Texas Leaguer" (used to describe a pop-up into the short outfield just beyond the infield) in the junkyard of baseball terminology?  The gg deeply misses the word "pennant."  This time of year, I long for it. It's a short word, easy to spell and easy to pronounce.  It is readily identifiable in the minds of everyone who can remember what baseball was like in those halcyon days and years when there were only 8 teams in each league and there were no playoffs.  The gg enjoys the modern-day playoffs as much as the next grouch, but I still wonder why they can't still refer to the prize of winning the League championship the "pennant."  Why can't we preserve that one remnant from a sport that once was our "national pasttime?"  After this week, I plan

to rattle every professed sports fan I know under the age of about 60 with this question:   "Who won the pennant this year?"

gg

WHEN IS A TENNIS SHOE NOT A TENNIS SHOE?

The gg set out this morning to do something I haven’t done in years – to buy myself a new pair of “tennis” shoes.  Now as most everyone who has bought any kind of athletic shoe or “sneaker” within the past 50 years must surely know by now, what used to truly be a tennis shoe – meaning it was intended for use in playing tennis – has long since become a generic term for any kind of athletic shoe or sneaker.  Very few  people actually play tennis and therefore when they go to buy athletic shoes, they rarely do so for the purpose of playing tennis.  So the tennis shoe now belongs in the same generic capacity as the Xerox machine (copiers and printers) and the Kelvinator (the gg’s grandmother, like others of her era, referred to her GE refrigerator as the “Kelvinator”)  and the “Coke date”.  But if the gg were to take a  poll of my readers, I’d bet at least half would admit to shopping for tennis shoes when what they are truly interested in are shoes for running or jogging  or some other use.

The gg remembers when the market for tennis shoes was limited to the old Converse canvas shoes.  They came in black, white or red, and in high top or low top. (These shoes have made a comeback recently and have become a fashion staple for girls.)  And then there were the rivals,  PF Flyers and US Keds.  And that was it. Over the course of my  growing up years,  I owned all three from time to time, but I remember the Converse’s the best.  I and all of my classmates who also had Converse’s would wear them to school every day and on weekends.  We’d wear them for every activity we participated in, whether softball, football, basketball, hunting, fishing, marbles or just hanging out.  Years later, when I actually began to play tennis seriously, I was able to save enough money to buy myself a pair of Fred Perry canvas tennis shoes (white of course) and later a pair of Adidas Stan Smith leather tennis shoes (also white).  In those days, every thing about tennis was white.

Now fast forward to this morning and the gg’s trip to the local sporting goods store.  There was a whole section of the store devoted to athletic and outdoor shoes, for both men and women.  I was at once  amazed and overwhelmed by the sheer number of shoes on display.  And not just the number but the variety, as it seemed there was a shoe for every athletic function known to man (or woman).  Upon entering the store, I was asked what I was there for and, of course, I said “tennis shoes.”  The greeter was an older gentlemen, so he smiled and winked, knowing and understanding that I was not looking for a shoe in which to play tennis, but more likely for walking or simply casual wear.  I followed his direction to the big sign that said “Shoes.”  The first thing I noticed was sign on each section of shelving describing the type of shoe on that particular shelf.  The signs included these, each having its own shelf with boxes of the shoes underneath the displayed shoes in the various sizes:  “Running shoes, Training Shoes, Walking Shoes, Outdoor shoes, Hiking Shoes, Casual shoes, Sandals, Lifestyle shoes.  (I asked what “Lifestyle” shoes were and was told that it was shoes that were designed to look pretty much like athletic shoes but were intended to be worn for casual occasions where no athletic activity was intended.  The gg took this to mean such things as  lounging around the pool at the country club.  Continuing, I saw signs for “Boating shoes, Water shoes, Volleyball shoes and Skateboarding shoes.”  It’s a good thing the gg didn’t go there to buy an actual pair of tennis shoes because there was no sign for “tennis shoes.”  It seemed to the gg that there was  a shoe made especially to be worn for any and every type of physical activity known to man.  And there must be well over 10 manufacturers competing with each other to sell all these “tennis shoes” to the public.  These included Nike, Adidas, Asics, Brooks, Reebok, Merrill, New Balance, , Puma, Saucony, Skechers, Sperry,  and Timberland.

The gg has decided that the manufacturers of these various tennis shoes are marketing geniuses.  They have convinced us, the consuming public, that when we want to walk, we need to buy and wear a pair of walking shoes; that if we want to then run, we need to stop and exchange our walking shoes for our pair of running shoes; and if we want to venture off the jogging trail onto a wooded path through the woods, we need to stop once more and change into our outdoor or hiking shoes.  Then if should come upon a body of water with a dock, we need yet once  more change into our boat shoes or our water shoes (if we want to go into the water).  Then of course if we should want to play volleyball or go skateboarding or engage in any other kind of athletic or other physical activity, we should put on our shoes designed for that particular activity.  It’s no wonder these shoes are  nicknamed “Sneakers” – these shoemakers sneak the money right out of our wallets and purses to buy a separate pair of shoes for each activity. 

But they forgot one thing:  What about the legions of us geezers out here who no longer choose or are no longer able to participate in any of those activities for which the shoes are made.  In the gg’s case, I’m waiting for them to come up with a “Netflix Binge Watching Shoe” or a “Chess Shoe” that one would wear for playing chess.  Or how about a “Snooze  shoe” for wearing while stretched out for a nap in one’s living room recliner?  The gg misses the old days when his trusted Converse high-tops answered the call for just about every sport or activity  or non-activity I wished to engage in – even tennis.  Speaking of tennis, It’s a good thing the gg didn’t go in that store to buy a pair of actual tennis shoes.  There were none so labeled or to be found.  And by now you know what that makes the gg.  Grouchy, yes.

gg

THE END OF SLEEVERY and the RIGHT TO BARE ARMS

It seems to the gg that Barack Obama gets blamed for lots of things these days that weren’t his  fault, so I’m going to give him a rest and pick on his much more popular wife, the former First Lady, Michelle Obama.  Why, you ask?  Wasn’t she a good first lady?  Didn’t she promote lots of measures to improve the quality of life on this planet?  Well, yes.  But as I recall she was also  the first one to appear in public wearing that widely publicized sleeveless dress which set off a frenzy in womens’ fashion, with every major designer of women’s clothing clamoring to incorporate that same look in their offerings.   We all know that Abraham Lincoln is credited as the one who ended slavery in this country, but few may know that Michelle Obama is the one who ended sleevery.  Let’s face it - the trend of sleeveless dresses has taken this country - no, not just this country but the entire world of women’s fashion - by storm and there appears to be no let-up. Don’t believe the old gg?  Then do this:  Turn on your TV to any cable news show or any other kind of program that features women in some kind of important role.  Still not convinced?  Then go to any department store. Go to Wal Mart.  Heck, go to church even.  You will see women of all ages, all heights, all weights, all body sizes wearing those sleeveless tops. 

The gg spends a fair amount of time watching cable news, switching back and forth among the various networks so as to try to absorb a “balanced” account of the “news.”  It’s here that I first began to really appreciate how the sleeveless phenomenon has taken over women’s fashion.The Fox News women seem to have embraced the sleeveless craze slightly more than their counterparts on their rival networks.  In fact, some of their attire reveals not only arms but shoulders as well, with round or diamond-shaped cutouts in the front.  At the same time, the necklines are plunging  down and hemlines are continuing  to go up.  It’s almost as though they are in a contest to see which of them can reveal the most of themselves and  still retain their creds as  journalists.   (Dear reader, it’s called “Foxxy News” for a reason.) 25 or 50 years ago, their mothers would have come onto the studio set and covered them with a blanket.  But today, the mothers are dressed the same way.

So is Mrs. Obama to blame (or, I suppose, to thank depending on one’s point of view), or is this all a harmless, even healthful development and a simple norm for the times we live in?  After all, this is now a society where unshaven male executives  wear T-shirts and blue jeans to work and even to what used to be formal social occasions that required suit and tie.  Now I know what you’re thinking – that this is just the latest example of the old gg being way behind the times and needing something to grouch about.  And you’re right, I am and it is.  And that’s just how the gg likes it.  But I have to admit – there is at least one practical justification for the sleeveless look:  It makes it much easier to get that flu shot during the flu season.

Oh, well, I have to close this posting now – I’m running late to my  appointment with this seamstress I’ve hired to cut the sleeves out of all of my shirts.  Who knows – I might just kick start a similar revolution in men’s fashion.  The gg is more than willing to lead the charge.  And I will have the weight of the US Constitution on my side.  Somewhere, doesn’t it say something about the right to bare arms?

gg