Thursday, April 21, 2016

WHAT SIDE ARE YOU ON ANYWAY?

It seems like there’s always something involving cars that causes the gg to feel grumpy.  The gg’s are a 2-car family,meaning that we have the missus gg’s SUV and the gg’s car.  I drive them interchangeably.  When I drive the SUV, there is a little button I push and the seat and steering wheel automatically adjusts to accommodate my frame.  Now there’s a feature I happen to like.  It actually makes the gg smile.  But let’s not get too carried away – there’s still plenty left to turn smiles into frowns.  Here’s just one and the subject of today’s rant:  it has to do with the location of the gas tank filler.  On the SUV, it is located on the driver side; but on the car, it is located on the passenger side.  The problem is that the gg can never remember on which side the darn thing is located.  Now you’d think this problem could be solved by simply looking in the side mirror to see where the cap is located.  But I’ve tried that on both vehicles and the side mirror is no help.  Due to the curvature of the car or the mirror itself, you can’t see the gas tank filler door by looking in the mirror. 

If any car designer is reading this post, I hope you’ll take this to heart and come up with a fix.  Something as simple as a decal on the front windshield on the driver’s side ( facing inside of course) would do the trick.  It could read:  “Gas filler door on driver side” (unless it were on the passenger side in which case the decal would read:  “Gas filler door on passenger side.”)  It would be so much easier in the first place if this could be standardized by the auto industry.  Just make up their minds which side to place the gas tank filler and make it the same on all vehicles.  The makers of gasoline pumps could help if they would give us hoses with a longer reach, so that those of us who have pulled into the station with our filler tank doors on the side opposite the pump would still be able to fill up without having to back up and turn around.  But all of those changes  would be too simple and logical.  As long as there are grouches out here like the gg, the auto makers and gas pump makers will continue to delight in driving us crazy.  Not all of us, but those of us like the gg who never know on what side of the car their gas tank is located. 
  
Have a nice day, fellow grouches.  Smile if you must.

gg

Sunday, April 17, 2016

FORD HAS A BITTER IDEA

Nothing makes the gg grouchier than his experience with  today’s passenger vehicles.
The gg recently bought a car with one of those new-fangled remote push button starting systems.  To start or turn off the engine, all you have to do is to push a button on the dash.  Sounds good, doesn’t it.? And convenient.  Now, of course, there are some conditions.  First, to start the car, you need to have your remote device on your person or somewhere in the car.  This is not the customary “key” to which geezers like gg are long accustomed.  The old key was a simple, flat, lightweight thing you could attach to a key ring or chain.  It did not take up much room in your pants pocket and was easy to retrieve and use.  You simply inserted it in the ignition, turned it clockwise and the engine would turn over and start.  When it was time to stop and turn off the engine, you simply turned the key counterclockwise to the off position and removed it from the ignition.  It was virtually impossible to lock your key in the car since you would almost naturally have the key in your hand when you turned off and exited the vehicle.  If you needed to open the door on the passenger side, you simply pushed or lifted a button on the inside of the driver door and that would unlock, or lock the passenger door and/or other doors.  If you needed to get into the trunk, you simply inserted the key in the trunk lock, turned it and the trunk would open.  If you valet parked, you just handed your keys to the attendant.  No problemo.  This was about as simple a process as one could conceive.  Well, not quite in the eyes of the auto design junkies who are constantly looking for a way to tinker with the systems and dashes on our cars for the purpose of adding features which they try to convince us will make our driving experience more pleasurable.  As usual they have failed.

The remote device necessary to start my car must be at least ½ inch thick and 3 inches long, not much  smaller than my TV remote.  It has any number of symbols (no one uses words anymore, or so it seems) designed to exact a certain response from the vehicle.  So, for example, if you want to open the trunk you press  “2X” (two times) on the proper button.  Press 3 times and the horn is likely to blow or something else unintended will transpire.  To start the vehicle, you must have the device on your person or somewhere in the car.  The first week, I would open the driver door and place the remote in the cup holder built into the console and then push the button on the dash to start the car.  Simple enough, right? But then when I would stop the car, push the button to turn off the ignition and exit the car, I would forget to take the remote with me and leave it in the cup holder in the console.  This is the modern day version of locking oneself out of one’s car.   I finally figured out a way to beat this system by keeping the device in my pants pocket.  This worked fine, but then I had to fish into my pants pocket and fight to retrieve the remote from amongst the coins, pocket knife, breath mints and other essentials I carry  in order to lock the car doors.  Once I did this, I was faced with the problem of which button to push and how many times to push it in order to lock the doors.  Push it one too many times and the horn would honk.   Not only that, but when valet parking, I would walk off with the remote device in my pants pocket, leaving it to the attendant to come frantically running after me so that he could start the car.

And then there’s the matter of the electronic digital sound system and the climate system.  You almost need an engineering degree  to figure it all out.  But that’s a subject for another grouch session.  As is the low tire inflation warning system. For now, Detroit or wherever Detroit is these days, can’t you please go back to making cars that start and stop and lock and unlock with just the simple turn of a simple key?  If you could please just do that, it would make this old  geezer at least somewhat less grouchy.  Well, maybe.

gg



Welcome, fellow grouches. Come in, put on a frown and make yourselves at home. According to my family and friends, I've been a grouch for quite some time. I turned 65 a couple of years ago so now not only am I a grouch but an official geezer to boot. A Grouchy Geezer! (But truth be known, I'm a grouch only on days ending in a "Y").

My purpose here is to share some of the things I've observed and experienced over the course of my life that have peeved, annoyed and irritated the crap out of me. Things that helped make me into The Grouchy Geezer. As fellow grouches, I feel sure you, too, have encountered similar things in your lives that have peeved, annoyed and irritated the crap out of you as well. If so, you'll have the chance to share them on this site.

The format is simple. From time to time I will post a pet peeve based on a particular life experience or observation or something currently in the news or in the culture that makes me grouchy.

This will be a free and open board and anyone is welcome to comment. You may comment on my peeve or relate one of your own. Any topic is fair game as long as it is something that makes you grouchy. The only requirement is that you use good taste and refrain from personal attacks. Use of profanity will make me even grouchier and bar you from further access to the site. That means you will have to grouch to your wife, not on here.

None of this is to say that uplifting banter is not encouraged. By all means, if you have something to say that is inspiring or that might force other readers to have to suppress a smile, let us hear it. But don't overdo it; after all, it's our grouchiness that defines and unites us and makes this blog possible.

GG